Our Adoption Shower

What is the protocol for having a baby shower when you're adopting? You don't know when you are officially getting your child until the passports are approved. So do you have one once you find out the exact date - which leaves little time for planning? Do you have one after a year has been up - for us the timeline has moved much faster than expected. Do you base it on a few months before you think you will get her and if there are delays, so be it? We chose the latter option. My sister and sister-in-law decided to throw us a shower - it just so happened that Bela's birthday was during the same time so we also turned it into a birthday party for her. We had mimosas and wine for the adults and hired face painters and balloon animal experts for the kids. We had cupcakes for dessert and a birthday cake for Bela. We decided not to have traditional shower games and instead, we bought materials for everyone to help us create a welcome home book for her. Each person/family took their picture and wrote a note to Bela on scrapbook paper - decorating each page to their liking. This way, I didn't have to guess what chocolate was melted in a diaper and Bela will have a nice welcome home book from all of our friends to know that we all have been eagerly awaiting her arrival!

The shower ended up serving another purpose as well. We got to update all of our friends that we probably won't be having any people over after Bela comes home due to the attachment process. We want to really focus on her feeling safe with us as quickly as possible and introducing her to new people could overwhelm or confuse her.

Reading about the bonding and attachment process and how to incorporate things like discipline, positive reinforcement and love, is different than with a biological child. None of our friends knew that and explaining to them why we are choosing not to have visitors after she gets back was educational for them and relieved us of worrying about hurt feelings.