PERSISTENCE = P-R-O-G-R-E-S-S-!

So the theme for the last few weeks has really been about PROGRESS! We had our third monthly social worker visit this week. I forgot about the visit so I was kind of scrambling as I got Bela dressed from her bath. But Mike was great - he was patient and assured me that I was not the only one to forget these visits :) Every visit that Mike makes, he makes note of how Bela is progressing in the areas of eating, attachment, sleep, interaction, language, etc.... He indicated that he is looking for signs of progress; that really stuck in my mind because all too often we have certain expectations and it's hard to gauge just how well Bela is doing in certain areas. So we just take cues from her and work on things repetitively until they are accomplished - missing entirely the celebration and joy in the bits of progress along the way. So I am now celebrating and taking note of the bits of progress - not just the achievement and completion of something, but just how much Bela has improved.

P-R-O-G-R-E-S-S-!  Bela is now taking naps EVERY DAY!!! Again, this is the end place we wanted to be but I had to recall the steps we took and the bits of progress I saw before we got here. The first dozen attempts to nap Bela resulted in serious whaling and crying to the point that we just gave up. Then we started it again because I read just how important afternoon naps are and how a lack of sleep can result in a compounding effect to even worse sleep patterns, poor eating, etc.... So Bela went from crying and kicking for an hour to take a nap, to about 30 minutes, then 15 minutes and now, she just sits in her bed with a book, we read it and then she lays down to take a nap. No crying or screaming at all. I have to be in bed with her for her to fall asleep and I can't wait until that is no longer necessary, however the PROGRESS is that she is now napping every day consistently! I have noticed her eating is picking up as well as a result - she seems to be more hungry. She is certainly more focused and able to pick up new things quicker and best of all, she is less fussy during the day!

P-R-O-G-R-E-S-S-!  In Bela's language class, we have been working on separation where I don't have to be in the class with her. The first attempt resulted in crying for about an hour or so until she finally stopped. The 2nd attempt seemed to get worse but then the 3rd and 4th attempts were great! So much so that the last time she went in with Miss Nancy without issue and couldn't wait to start playing! Woho! She also has been alone with Ryan's parents on several occasions - allowing me to leave from time to time. Again, this too was a process. It started with lots of crying at first and then just minutes of crying (or no crying at all). She also has no issue with Ryan going into work every day but is so excited to see him home each night.  

P-R-O-G-R-E-S-S-! Bela's English has improved by leaps and bounds! She literally understood me saying to her, "Bela, please go in the other room and get the pillows for mommy." She went in the other room and brought in the pillows one by one! So she definitely understands more than she can say but the PROGRESS has been amazing!! She is also counting to 10 consistently and identifying all of the animals and their sounds. I even hear her singing on a daily basis with me which is a lot of fun. She understood how to give my grandmother a rose from our backyard which was so special to see. My grandmother saw Bela for the first time since she has returned from India - it filled my heart. Not to mention she gave Bela custom made bangles from India.

P-R-O-G-R-E-S-S-!  Potty Training....well we have kind of regressed a bit on this, which I think occurred as a result of the separation but I view this as progress. To me her regression is part of her overall process which I now recognize.  I think this is where things get a little worse before they get better. 

P-R-O-G-R-E-S-S-! Shots - Bela started her growth hormone treatment this week. Ryan and I had to attend a 1.5 hour training session just to administer the medicine which is given by injection EACH NIGHT. Sunday marked the first day that we started giving her the shots - today is day 3. And so far Bela absolutely hates the shot and built a lot of anxiety before she gets it. However, today we noticed that her crying after the shot is subsiding to where she is no longer screaming for a long time after she has taken the shot. So again, PROGRESS! The nurse who came to do the training indicated that over time, she will just be so used to the shot that it will be no big deal. What broke our heart was that the day after her first shot, she took her brown-skinned baby doll and the plastic cover of the needle we use. She brought it over to me and Ryan and lifted up the baby's dress to give her a shot (with the plastic cap) on the thigh and simultaneously said, "Mommy, Daddy - Babie Owwiee!" I almost cried when she did that - my heart just broke!

Bela is such a strong and brave little girl - she has had to be from birth! Being born at 32 weeks, staying in NICU for a month, and then living in an orphanage for 2 years - this little girl (literally) has developed strength and bravery that most adults never develop. And she is so dang smart and quick!! I have learned a lot from Bela in just a few months and I am amazed at how resilient children can be; she is truly one of the strongest people I know at just the young and tender age of 2!

Dr.'s and Insurance Updates

In preparation for Bela's arrival, I spent about 2 hours making lots of phone calls to ensure that Bela's medical needs are covered immediately. What was most important to me is that she sees a pediatrician who understands international adoptions and doesn't insist on re-running all tests and re-vaccinating her; some pediatricians we spoke to insist on not trusting a foreign Dr. but Ryan and I have been very impressed by the record keeping of the orphanage's Dr. and don't want to put Bela through more blood tests and potentially cause more trauma to her unnecessarily. So I found a Dr. from our insurance company's web site that is just down the street from us. But before I could even make the appointment, I had to get Bela added to our insurance. Our insurance company allowed us to add her to our medical and dental plan based on the court decree indicating we are now her legal guardians - they didn't even need a copy of it, they just asked us for the date. So she is now on our plan even though we haven't picked her up yet. The process I went through included the following (BTW, everyone in this entire process was very kind and sweet - congratulating us on our decision to adopt)....

1. I called our insurance company first to add Bela based on the final court order
2. They asked me to call my husband's Benefits department
3. The Benefits department asked for the official court order date and added her to our medical and dental coverage from there
4. Her 2010 covered begins on Jan 3rd which is just fine since she won't see her first Dr. until the 29th.
5. I asked about Bela's current medicine to see if would be covered - the Benefits Department then asked me to call the prescription meds company
6. I called the prescription meds company and of course they had no idea of the Indian version of her thyroid medication - luckily the Indian Dr. emailed us the chemical name because she initially indicated that her medicine was not covered - but I didn't take NO for an answer. I asked her to get a pharmacist on the line - he confirmed the chemical name was covered as a different drug name and for only $5/month under our insurance. Whew!
7. I then called our insurance company back to see if they knew of any local pediatricians with international adoption experience since their online search criteria didn't have that info. Of course they had no idea. So I did a search on their online web site for local pediatricians and just started to go down the list, calling each Dr.'s office to see if they had international adoption experience. I got really lucky as the 2nd Dr. I called had that experience! So her appointment is set about 1 week after she gets home.

Whew!!!

Packing for Gotchya Day

 My sister and sister-in-law were gracious enough to throw us a shower back in October to help us get ready for this big day. We received lots of clothes and toys to prepare for bringing her home. I'm sure we've over packed. We've taken plenty of clothes and toys for her. We received her final discharge report telling us her size and weight. Bela is a small girl - at 2 she is the size of a 1 year old in the US. So we had to plan to take items that she could fit into comfortably for her size. In addition, she barely speaks and what few words she knows are in Marathe - a language that neither Ryan or I speak. So we're taking plenty of music, burning kids songs on our iPod and the like. Let's hope we can keep her entertained for 25 hours of traveling! We haven't found a thorough list of what we should pack for her so I'm sharing our list in case anyone else is looking for a starting point...we'll be with Bela for about 5 days in India + 25 of traveling. Given that, we decided to pack the following (the idea was comfort and ease of travel for Bela)....

• 4 night-gown/pajamas (including 1 extra for an 18 month size)
• 8 day outfits w/ a mixture of pants & dresses (including extra outfits for 18 mos. size)
• 2 sweaters
• 3 pairs of shoes (we brought one in a size bigger)
• Underwear for each day - since Bela is small, we had a hard time finding 1T underwear.
• Plenty of socks
• 3 bibs
• 6 Books with textures and and pop-ups
• Musical teddy bear & non-musical bear
• CD's and DVD's with kids music
• Portable DVD player
• Crayons and coloring books
• Alphabet blocks
• Bubbles (her report said she loves bubbles)
• Snack Food and age appropriate drinks
• Sippy cups for travel and storage containers for snacks
• Bath items - shampoo, tooth brush and tooth paste, baby oil, etc...
• Medical supplies - kids Tylenol, thermometer, bandages
• Diapers and Diaper Wipes
• Tissue and Anti-Bacterial wipes
• Journals to document the journey
• Plenty of batteries for our camera and video camera

It's Official - We Are Bela's Legal Parents

We just heard that the Indian courts have provided the final approval for adoptiong Bela. We are officially her legal guardians! We are so excited and amazed at how quickly this entire process has been completed. Almost 1 year to the day when we first hired Holt International (our adoption agency), we are now the parents (legally) of a beautiful 2 year old little girl in India. I heard that just over 400 children are adopted from India each year! Bela is truly special and one of a kind! We are very, very lucky to be her parents. I've outlined our timeline from the day we decided to adopt....

• October 2008 - Decision to Adopt: Reshma finally decides she is ready to adopt! Only a year after Ryan was ready! :)
• September 2008 - Apply for the OCI Card! Reshma files for the OCI (Overseas Citizen of India) card so that we can move up in priority from Adoption Priority 3 to Priority 2 according to Indian adotpion laws. Ryan is not Indian and therefore being priority 3 would give us the option to adopt a much older child only. Priority 2 allows us to get a younger child. Currently, only couples residing in India are allowed to be Priority 1 - which gives the priority to adopt newborn babies.
• October 2008 - OCI Granted: After much back and forth with the Indian Embassy, Reshma receives her OCI card. Woho - Priority 2 status attained!! What was odd is that Reshma's mom didn't get approval for an OCI card for her travels but her US born daughter did...go figure!
• November 2008 - Research for Agency: Ryan narrows down search to 2 agencies who adopt from India.
• December 2008 - Sign on with Agency: We chose Holt International and our application was submitted.
• January 2009 - Home Study Initiated: "Holy Paperwork Batman!"
• March 2009 - We got a Match! Home Study approved AND on our 9th Anniversary, we found out that we have a match - her name is Bela!
• May 2009 - Little Bela: We finished reviewing all of her medical documents and decided to adopt Bela - assignment paperwork underway.
• August 2009 - I800: Application approved for Bela. I am so grateful that the agency has managed this entire paperwork process!
• October 2009 - Bela turns 2! She posed in this pretty red dress for Diwali. I refer to her as princess Bela in this picture.
• December 21, 2009 - She's our's Legally! Final Court Order Received after about a month of delay due to Diwali holidays in India.

Booked our Tickets!

So we finalized our trip today! We had a hard time picking a travel date without having all of the passport and travel documents in hand. The dilemma was that if we waiting for those docs, we would basically have about a week to plan the trip and not only could that get costly, but it would Ryan in an awkward position with his work as well. The agency has been so helpful in helping us pick a date based on their experience. We really wanted to take Bela to visit my grandparents in India but that would add 3 extra days and we didn't want to risk overwhelming her. After all, with my family, we would not be able to control the entire village coming over to visit with her and it could really stress her out. So we're visiting my grandparents and vacationing before hand. That way when we pick up Bela, we are focused on getting her final docs and medical checkup from Delhi and we can then head home immedidately.

Before we head to India though - we decided to squeeze in one more vacation before we pick Bela up in India. So we're leaving early to spend some R&R on the beaches of Dubai. We love vacationing and not knowing when our next vacation will be after we adopt Bela, we've made it our mission to vacation as much as possible this year to prepare ourselves metally and physically for a huge change to our life style. .

Adoption Agency and Bela's Orphanage

Ryan and I are SO grateful for Holt International (http://holtintl.org/). We started this process with them in December 2008 and have been nothing short of thrilled with their level of service, commitment, response and dedication to helping our adoption dream come true. We would VERY highly recommend Holt. I know there are other wonderful agencies as well. I am just glad that we worked with one that has been so responsive and proactive.

Bela is currently in an orphanage in Pune, India which is outside of Bombay in the state of Maharashtra (see map). Holt has affiliations with several orphanages from India and we were given the choice of which agencies we wanted to adopt from. Because Reshma and her family are from Gujurat (close to Maharashtra), we prefer to adopt from either Mumbai or Pune. In fact, it's one of the reasons we chose Holt because they had orphanages in Mumbai and Pune. We felt that we would want to take Bela back to India in the future and the closer we are to Reshma's family, the better it would be.

I recently visted the http://india.adoption.com/ web site again and read that only 307 children from India were adopted to the US in 2008; I think a little over 400 were adopted in 2009. That just seems so low to me, but it also reminds me that Bela truly is one in a million and we are so lucky to be adopting her.

Our Adoption Shower

What is the protocol for having a baby shower when you're adopting? You don't know when you are officially getting your child until the passports are approved. So do you have one once you find out the exact date - which leaves little time for planning? Do you have one after a year has been up - for us the timeline has moved much faster than expected. Do you base it on a few months before you think you will get her and if there are delays, so be it? We chose the latter option. My sister and sister-in-law decided to throw us a shower - it just so happened that Bela's birthday was during the same time so we also turned it into a birthday party for her. We had mimosas and wine for the adults and hired face painters and balloon animal experts for the kids. We had cupcakes for dessert and a birthday cake for Bela. We decided not to have traditional shower games and instead, we bought materials for everyone to help us create a welcome home book for her. Each person/family took their picture and wrote a note to Bela on scrapbook paper - decorating each page to their liking. This way, I didn't have to guess what chocolate was melted in a diaper and Bela will have a nice welcome home book from all of our friends to know that we all have been eagerly awaiting her arrival!

The shower ended up serving another purpose as well. We got to update all of our friends that we probably won't be having any people over after Bela comes home due to the attachment process. We want to really focus on her feeling safe with us as quickly as possible and introducing her to new people could overwhelm or confuse her.

Reading about the bonding and attachment process and how to incorporate things like discipline, positive reinforcement and love, is different than with a biological child. None of our friends knew that and explaining to them why we are choosing not to have visitors after she gets back was educational for them and relieved us of worrying about hurt feelings.

Home Study Process

Ok - they said the home study process was time consuming, and they were right! Ryan has been great about preparing all of our personal documents for the process. Our friends were great in providing reference letters. Letters from employers and banks and the like. In the end, completing the paperwork took a few focused days but it was great that it forced us to ensure we were adquately prepared for the adoption. There are great benefits talking with your spouse on the difference styles for parenting, what types of actions you will take to discipline your child, how to communicate effectively, etc... The one recommendation I have to any couple going through this process is to assign one person to coordinate and organize all the necessary paperwork. That seemed to work well for us.

So in the end - it was cool going through this process to force us to get prepared to bring a child into our family. Perhaps every new parent would benefit from the process?