It's Finally Here - ADOPTION DAY!

So it's been a very long time since my last post. Mostly because I went back to work and have been pretty busy. There is so much to update on! Perhaps the best news we have is that on December 1st, Bela will officially and legally be our daughter! We are so excited!

So what's happened since the last post you ask?

(September) Bela started a new private pre-school. Her Kindercare program served it's purpose and we knew that it was time to put her into a school with some structured learning. The caveat was that the new school required that she be  potty trained. WOW - if anything came close to breaking me - it was potty training! Bela's will power and full control of her bodily functions clearly made her the winner of any battle of the wills when it came to potty training. She would literally use it against me whenever she didn't get her way by having accidents on cue! What I have learned from the whole process is what you resist - persists! My good friend Stephanie C told me to DROP THAT ROPE! Yes, she will always win the tug-a-war. So I just took it in stride and just when I thought she had it - she completely reverted back to pre-potty training days. So the 2nd lesson is - just when you think you have it down - the 3 year old will find a way to throw a money wrench into things - nothing is predictable - especially during potty training!

(October) - well this year has certainly been all about Bela's firsts! It was Bela's 3rd birthday but the first we celebrated together. She had a blast with her friends and family and we can definitely say that she is truly loved (i.e. spoiled). We also had our first Halloween where she was mini-mouse. She loved the outfit so much that she wore it 3 different times!  Bela also went to Disneyland for the first time but both Daddy and Bela pooped about by mid-afternoon. She did have a blast though.

(November) - Bela had her first Thanksgiving this year. She had an absolute blast! She celebrated Thanksgiving with Ryan's family and with my sister-in-law's family. She had an absolute blast eating and playing with all of our cousins. She LOVED her new ruffly princess skirt she wore.  Today she actually started to role play for the first time - she became Dr. Bela and took a stethoscope to check our lungs and our heart. She gave us a shot and even checked our ears. She even wrote prescriptions for grandma and grandpa. She put on her sunglasses, packed her bag with all of her Dr. Tools and proceeded to her Dr. office in the living room (the front door was locked thank goodness as she started to head out to work through the front office).  Ryan and I also had our first day away from her - where she spent the night with her grandparents. We also have been going out on more date nights which has been great.

So her personality has truly come out - she is definitely confident, assertive and knows what she wants. She is so sensitive and absolutely adores babies. She could sit through the entire Babies movie from beginning to end without flinching. She loves sports - is always playing basketball with her cousin Ayden. She is the popular girl in school - all the kids and teachers just adore her. She is amazingly brave - rarely cries for her shot and has to climb the tallest slides and ladders at the park She loves to play with dolls and her train sets/trucks but is partial to anything she can wear that looks like a princess. She is definitely super smart if I say so myself  as she already mastered her alphabet and her numbers - which is amazing since she has only been speaking English for about 6 months.

All in all, we couldn't be happier. Bela has been an absolutely light in our life. She has brought so much joy and happiness that we couldn't ever imagine life without her. We truly have been blessed and in a few short days she will be legally our daughter. It's hard to imagine this beautiful child has only been with us for 10 months now - it feels like she has always been our daughter and in a way, I believe she has always been my daughter - we just had help raising her for the first two years of her life. :)

Destined to Remain Connected!!

So if you weren't a believer of fate and universal connection, well this story should convince even the strongest skeptics!!  This past weekend, we hosted a get together with 3 other couples who have adopted or will be adopting from India. The picture on the left is Bela with her new friend AJ and her OLD friend Usha. Yes, Usha and Bela knew each other at the orphanage they were at! How this all happened is a pretty amazing story, which only gets better.

Back in April of this year, Ryan and I met two families at the Holt Agency picnic (which is held once a year, in Orange County). To our surprise, one of the families there adopted a little girl who was from the same orphanage as Bela! We recognized Usha from a distance and after a few minutes, we realized that she was there at BSSK (the orphanage) when we picked Bela up from India. In addition, during that visit, we actually witnessed Usha viewing a video of her parents! What are the odds!!!??? It turns out, Usha's parents picked her up just a few weeks after we picked up Bela. We have pictures and videos of Usha playing with Bela and the other kids. And now 3 months later, Usha is at the same picnic as Bela in California!! It's probably normal that they didn't remember each other however they got along great at our house. They played really well together and I'm sure they felt each other's energy - even if they physically didn't recognize each other.

So while the meeting with Usha could be considered coincidental to some skeptics (I happen to believe everything happens for a reason), this will blow your mind! The other couple that came to our house was invited by AJ's parents as they are about to pick up their son from the same city that we picked up Bela. When they arrived, they immediately recognized Bela. That was a little strange but we figured AJ's parents must have filled them in before they got here. Nope. After some discussion, it turns out that the child they are bringing home was Bela's best friend, Varun, from the orphanage she was at!!! Yes, best friend. In many of our reports about Bela, and in many of their reports about Varun, the orphanage noted just how close these two were with one another. Each one of us even wondered how we could adopt both Varun and Bela together so we could keep them together - that's how close they were! While they were at our house, Ryan bought up the videos we took and when we reviewed them we both noticed how Bela immediately gravitated toward Varun when we arrived to pick her up. In fact, the video shows that later in the day, to make her stop crying during eating time, we were asked to place Bela next to him to calm her down. Kismet!!?? So Varun is now coming to Orange County as well - literally only 30 minutes from our house. We can't wait for Bela and Varun to meet again. Even if they don't remember each other, I know they will feel each other's spirts. Afterall, they are destined to remain connected! 

According to Unicef, there are 25 million Indian orphans. Of those, only 400 or some to the USA each year. So the odds of both Usha and Varun coming to the US, within 30-60 minutes from our house, is simply amazing. Varun's mom said, "How funny is it that our kids have known each other longer than we have?" I think that statement was very intuitive and just sums up how special this really is. Bela will always have an amazing story to share about her life and it will be even more special knowing she will have childhood friends from where she was born to grow up with; something most adopted children never experience.

4th of July - "Pop-Pop-Pop in the Sky!"

We got to celebrate Bela's first 4th of July with her friend Zaleeya and her parent's who we met before we picked up Bela. Zaleeya is also adopted from India and the girls get along great. So we headed to Z's home town and spent most of the day in the park, dancing to music, eating great food and having tons of fun in the sun. Bela seemed to have a great time dancing and running around and enjoyed her time with Z and Bela's cousins Ayden. When it came time for the fireworks however, that was a different story. We didn't know how Bela would react to the loud noises and as we suspected, she didn't like the loud sounds at first. I in fact held her and walked around singing to her as the fireworks were going off for the first 10 minutes or so. Eventually, we made a game out of the fireworks in the sky by saying, pop-pop-pop them in the sky! Bela liked that game and we sat back down to enjoy the fireworks. All-in-all it was a great day and a great evening out with friends and we hope to make it an annual tradition.

Earings - Oh My!

It seems like being a mom means making hard decisions all the time! Working in startups seemed like a breeze compared to this! While the decisions never cease and many you never think about again, there are some that you sometimes think about quite often. The one I think about is the decision to get Bela's ears pierced. Yes, piercings! It's not a life threating decision nor will it even be a major issue in a few months time, however it's amazing how certain things weigh on you!  

We started the day at the mall where we had pretzels and drinks before the piercings. Brianna, Bela's cousin, came with us for moral support as she had just gotten her ears pierced. All started great and the girls had  a blast playing in the store while we waited for Bela's turn. We waited about an hour or so and several girls (8-10 yrs) were getting their ears done. They all cried which really didn't make me feel better but Bela was too busy playing to really notice. Bela tried on purses, glasses and did her girly-girly stuff while Daddy and Brianna kept her company. I got to wait in line, fill out the paperwork and pick the earrings Bela would wearing for the next 6 months. She got these little pink faux-diamond earings that are apparently similar to her birth stone. Little did we know that what would set Bela off was the alcohol swab cleaning!  Bela gets a shot every night and of course we use an alcohol swab to clean the area prior. So when the lady went to clean her ears before the piercing - she totally lost it! She of course thought immediately that she was going to get a shot. I had the wonderful job of holding her body while Ryan held her head straight as she whaled. We said several times that this was not worth it but then we also kept saying, if not now, then when? So we pushed through it and as soon as it was over, she was fine! She played in the fountain in the mall, rode the train, all like nothing had happened!

While Bela really loves them and they look so adorable, she hasn't fully recovered from the experience I think (even a month later). She is now much more sensitive to any pain whatsoever - even non-burning shampoo in her eyes. She also won't let Ryan or I touch her earnings to clean them without a lot of discussion and coaxing. So did we need to do this - no. However, it is a tradition in my family and I know that if we didn't do it soon, she would have to wait until an age where she felt comfortable with it because the memory of the piercing would still be there. So Bela will eventually get over the piercing and life will go on and I hope that she doesn't remember getting them done! I guess this is why it's best to do the piercings when they are babies - but of course we didn't have that option.

Bye Bye Mommy and GO LAKERS.....!

So now I know why they say being a parent, especially a mom, is so hard! It's not about the physical labor or the daily duties that need to be accomplished. As a corporate executive and career woman, I know how to get things done. What is hard and perhaps what I wasn't totally ready for was just how emotionally tough and spiritually grueling it can be. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love, love, love that I get to spend most of my time with Bela; in fact I would have it NO other way. But I wasn't prepared for all of the tough points. For instance, when we started Bela at KinderCare a few times a week, I was very gung-ho about it. Never did I anticipate having to deal with such an emotional issue. The first day, I dropped her off, she was crying for me relentlessly;. I kept thinking to myself, "Am I doing the right thing?" It got harder as the weeks went on because I started to see just how much being away from me was affecting her. She would cry every time I would pick her up, she wasn't getting the attentionshe needed in an environment like that (12 kids to 1 teacher). But I knew that she needed to be a large social environment to interact with kids her own age because she wasn't getting that at home with us. But I was so emotionally torn - literally losing sleep over what to do. Should I keep her in there, should I take her out? She would come home asking for Daddy and my heart was just sinking to the point where I seriously thought about taking her out totally because I felt that things would never get better and that I could be damaging our attachment. However, thank goodness for my husband. He was able to remain logical because he was somewhat removed from the emotional impact of the whole situation. He encouraged me to stick with it and so I did. As a result, after about 4 weeks of sending her to KinderCare part-time, today I dropped Bela off and she said, "Bye Bye Mommy" and gave me a kiss! She then started dancing with all the other kids even before I could get out the door she was dancing away! Today my heart felt so full; it was like I had just crossed a major milestone being a mom. With Bela being adopted, we have been sensitive to ensuring her attachment remains strong and moving her into pre-school at a very slow pace. So it was such an amazing experience to see how attached she is to us while she simultaenously enjoys pre-school. I think I now know why they say kids grow up so fast and to truly enjoy every moment.

One of the biggest benefits I have seen with Bela and pre-school is her language improvement. Next week will mark 5 months since we brought Bela home. Since we placed her in pre-school, her language has just exploded. Kids do learn from other kids and she seems to be much more confident speaking. Now if I could only get her to say, "Yes, Please" instead of "Yah"...my job will be done! :) She is still going to speech and language therapy twice a week and is in the middle of her assessment. By the end of this month, they will determine whether she has tested out and no longer needs therapy or whether she could use more support until her 3rd birthday - at which point our local school district would take her on.

This past weekend, a bunch of couples from the OC and SD area got together to have an adoption potluck in San Clemente. We have been fortunate enough to meet some amazing couple (Zeena and Azeem) who have adopted a gorgeous girl from India (Bela refers to Zaleeya as Zeeya) who have since introduced us to several other couples who have adopted in our area. Many of them are local, closed adoptions but it's truly been great to meet adoptive parents and we really believe it will be great for Bela to be friends with other children who are adopted so she remembers just how special she is and how special she is to us.

This weekend is Father's Day - Ryan's first Father's day. Not sure I can top the gift he got me (Breakfast in bed with a new Flast Screen TV), but I know it will be special. Over the last month or so, we have noticed that Bela is much more attached to me than Ryan. The main reason we believe is because I am with her most of the time while Ryan now goes into work during the day. So on the weekends, we figured that Ryan should have a Bela and Daddy day where they get to spend at least half the day together, just by themselves. Going to the park, the petting zoo, etc... are ways for her to continue building that strong attachment she has for Ryan. Our social worker was good to remind us that she is still in the attachment process so we want to continue to build on that while finding a good balance between getting some alone time for us. 

Grandma and Grandpa have also been coming over quite a bit to help me during the week when Bela is not in school so I can get some work done. The great part about that is that she is totally building a solid relationship to them and feeling attached to them as well. She misses them when they leave and enjoys playing with them when they are here - they have truly opened their hearts to loving Bela and Ryan and I both appreciate just how much time they have taken to spend with Bela each week.

So Last night, the Lakers won their 16th championship and anyone who knows me, knows that I am a die-hard fan. So since much of being a nurturing and loving parent includes passing on some passions and hobbies to your children, Bela is now chanting, "Go Lakers" and cheering and clapping when the game is on. She even recognizes the NBA logo and loves to play basketball. It's becoming so amazing to see how much of Bela's actions, words, demeanor and personality has changed since we brought her home. No longer do we have a shy child who won’t look other people in the eye – in fact, she loves to say hi to people who say hi to her; no longer do we have a scared child who wouldn’t let anyone hold her; no longer do we have a frustrated child who couldn’t tell us what she wanted; no longer do we have a stoic expression, instead it's all smiles and giggles. In addition, she seems to be taking on some of the traits and characteristics and even likes and dislikes of me and Ryan. She loves the Lakers, loves cooking with Dad (which Dad loves to do) and is very logical in her actions for the most part - much like we are. Granted she still is a 2-year old but it amazes me how much us I see in Bela. She truly is our daughter, meant for only us!

Sleep Training

It has been just a little over 4 months since Bela entered our lives and up until this week getting Bela to sleep at night was a rather difficult procedure.  We had to be careful to balance the need for bonding with the need for being able to comfort herself during sleep.  So for the first 4 months, one of us would lay down with her to help her get to sleep, which was usually a long process that could last several hours with sometimes 2 to 3 shifts per night until she fell to sleep.  We wanted to make sure she felt connected to us and knew that we'd be there for her, which is all part of bonding.  By now bela now figured out that she could get out of bed, open the door, and come into our room.  While it was very cute to see her come into our room reaching out for us, we both knew that it was not the best thing for sleep training.  So we decided that each time she did that, we'd pick her up without speaking to her and just put her back in her bed, but then she'd just get up and come into our room again, and we'd put her to bed again.  That back and forth process latest about 36 rounds that night before she finally stopped getting up and fell to sleep, it was probably around 11 PM that night.  It was rough to say the least.  We both fretted over the thought that each night we'd have to go through this back and forth over and over, so for the next week after we fell into our old habit of sleeping with her till she fell to sleep.  One thing that Bela didn't really have yet was a security blanket or favorite doll that she'd like to sleep with. So we began to put her to bed with a soft purple troll doll that her cousin Nicholas given her. And a friend's wife had quilted a beautiful green and purple blanket, and we began giving both of them to her as she went to sleep. Unfortunatley, she really didn't take to either of them, but we made sure that everytime she napped and went to sleep that we'd tuck her doll in with her underneath the soft blanket.  Then just this past Monday, we went through the steps of putting her to bed (getting her into her PJs, brushing her teeth, reading a book, etc) and after tucking her under the little blanket we gave the doll a kiss good night and told her that mommy and daddy would be downstairs and that Bela would need to go to sleep, but if she needed us she would only need to yell out "Mommy" or "Daddy" and we'd right up to get her.  She nodder her head, said night night to me, and POOF, we didn't hear a peep from her until the next morning.  Wow, could it be that easy finally to get her down to sleep?  The next few nights were the same as one of us would go through the same exact process and she'd nod her head with a big smile and say "Night Night, I luv you" and we'd close the door and she would fall to sleep.  What a relief, Bela is now secure enough to comfort herself to go to sleep - a huge sign of attachment.  Where before we'd painfully pass on the nightly shifts of laying with her until she fell to sleep, we were now high fiving each other after only taking 5 minutes to get her to bed.  We now had our evenings back and we could catch up on Lost and have some mommy and daddy time.

As Fate Would Have It....

Last week Holt International, the agency that we used, sponsored a picnic for all of the adoptive families of Holt.  It was a great turn out, and as expected there were lots of children with their parents.  However, since there are only about 400 children adopted from India into the US, we didn't expect too many kids from India.  While we were sitting on the blanket relaxing after playing on the slides, we noticed a family coming over to us.  Wow, could it be another adoptive child from India?  Sure thing, we met a very nice family who had an 11 year old daughter whom they brought home about 8 years ago.  I thought it was very special that they continue to come after so many years, and we hope to do the same.  Their duagher is a very sweet girl and was very interested in meeting Bela, but Bela was more interested in playing on the slides.  For the next hour or so we shared adoption stories with the family over some delicious Korean BBQ supplied by a local church.  It turns out that their daughter was also adopted from BSSK, but back in 2002.  Just after lunch we noticed another family coming to the picnic and they too had a lovely little girl from India.  We quickly called them over and began to get acquainted, but something was so familar with their daughter we just couldn't place it, but we soon found out why.  It turns out that the family had brought home their 4 year old daughter three weeks after we did from the the same orphanage in Pune (BSSK).  Out of 1.1 Billion people in India and 25 Million orphans, of which only 400 are adopted to the US, we happen to meet someone from the exact same place we brought Bela home from.  Wow, we were floored to say the least.  We then met even another family who had adopted a little boy from India, wow we didn't expect to meet 1 let alone 3 adoptive families from India - it was very exciting.  But the excitment didn't end there.  After sharing our stories, I told the families that I'd post the videos that we took of BSSK (one of the families hadn't been to India) so that they could see where their daughter came from.  As I was going through the videos, I noticed that the little 4 year old was in our videos, a couple of times sitting right next to Bela playing.  WOW, fate sure was on our side.  We are very fortunate to have found one of Bela's playmates and we can only imagine how helpful it will be for both girls to have each other as friends as they get older and have questions about their adoption and begin coming to terms with what it means to be adopted - we couldn't be more happy for our little girl!

PERSISTENCE = P-R-O-G-R-E-S-S-!

So the theme for the last few weeks has really been about PROGRESS! We had our third monthly social worker visit this week. I forgot about the visit so I was kind of scrambling as I got Bela dressed from her bath. But Mike was great - he was patient and assured me that I was not the only one to forget these visits :) Every visit that Mike makes, he makes note of how Bela is progressing in the areas of eating, attachment, sleep, interaction, language, etc.... He indicated that he is looking for signs of progress; that really stuck in my mind because all too often we have certain expectations and it's hard to gauge just how well Bela is doing in certain areas. So we just take cues from her and work on things repetitively until they are accomplished - missing entirely the celebration and joy in the bits of progress along the way. So I am now celebrating and taking note of the bits of progress - not just the achievement and completion of something, but just how much Bela has improved.

P-R-O-G-R-E-S-S-!  Bela is now taking naps EVERY DAY!!! Again, this is the end place we wanted to be but I had to recall the steps we took and the bits of progress I saw before we got here. The first dozen attempts to nap Bela resulted in serious whaling and crying to the point that we just gave up. Then we started it again because I read just how important afternoon naps are and how a lack of sleep can result in a compounding effect to even worse sleep patterns, poor eating, etc.... So Bela went from crying and kicking for an hour to take a nap, to about 30 minutes, then 15 minutes and now, she just sits in her bed with a book, we read it and then she lays down to take a nap. No crying or screaming at all. I have to be in bed with her for her to fall asleep and I can't wait until that is no longer necessary, however the PROGRESS is that she is now napping every day consistently! I have noticed her eating is picking up as well as a result - she seems to be more hungry. She is certainly more focused and able to pick up new things quicker and best of all, she is less fussy during the day!

P-R-O-G-R-E-S-S-!  In Bela's language class, we have been working on separation where I don't have to be in the class with her. The first attempt resulted in crying for about an hour or so until she finally stopped. The 2nd attempt seemed to get worse but then the 3rd and 4th attempts were great! So much so that the last time she went in with Miss Nancy without issue and couldn't wait to start playing! Woho! She also has been alone with Ryan's parents on several occasions - allowing me to leave from time to time. Again, this too was a process. It started with lots of crying at first and then just minutes of crying (or no crying at all). She also has no issue with Ryan going into work every day but is so excited to see him home each night.  

P-R-O-G-R-E-S-S-! Bela's English has improved by leaps and bounds! She literally understood me saying to her, "Bela, please go in the other room and get the pillows for mommy." She went in the other room and brought in the pillows one by one! So she definitely understands more than she can say but the PROGRESS has been amazing!! She is also counting to 10 consistently and identifying all of the animals and their sounds. I even hear her singing on a daily basis with me which is a lot of fun. She understood how to give my grandmother a rose from our backyard which was so special to see. My grandmother saw Bela for the first time since she has returned from India - it filled my heart. Not to mention she gave Bela custom made bangles from India.

P-R-O-G-R-E-S-S-!  Potty Training....well we have kind of regressed a bit on this, which I think occurred as a result of the separation but I view this as progress. To me her regression is part of her overall process which I now recognize.  I think this is where things get a little worse before they get better. 

P-R-O-G-R-E-S-S-! Shots - Bela started her growth hormone treatment this week. Ryan and I had to attend a 1.5 hour training session just to administer the medicine which is given by injection EACH NIGHT. Sunday marked the first day that we started giving her the shots - today is day 3. And so far Bela absolutely hates the shot and built a lot of anxiety before she gets it. However, today we noticed that her crying after the shot is subsiding to where she is no longer screaming for a long time after she has taken the shot. So again, PROGRESS! The nurse who came to do the training indicated that over time, she will just be so used to the shot that it will be no big deal. What broke our heart was that the day after her first shot, she took her brown-skinned baby doll and the plastic cover of the needle we use. She brought it over to me and Ryan and lifted up the baby's dress to give her a shot (with the plastic cap) on the thigh and simultaneously said, "Mommy, Daddy - Babie Owwiee!" I almost cried when she did that - my heart just broke!

Bela is such a strong and brave little girl - she has had to be from birth! Being born at 32 weeks, staying in NICU for a month, and then living in an orphanage for 2 years - this little girl (literally) has developed strength and bravery that most adults never develop. And she is so dang smart and quick!! I have learned a lot from Bela in just a few months and I am amazed at how resilient children can be; she is truly one of the strongest people I know at just the young and tender age of 2!

Now...Seperation

So now that Bela has fully attached with me and Ryan, we are working on separation! Seems odd but a test of her attachment is being able to stay with other people without mistaking them as her caretakers or her mommy. It actually would be nice for Ryan and I, from time to time, to be able to have grandma and grandpa babysit so we could enjoy a nice dinner and a movie. But honestly, we are so thrilled with how Bela has adjusted.


So what's happened in the last month you ask...??

1. Bela started her language and speech therapy with the regional center in Mission Viejo. She just completed her third 2-hour session and already the therapist is talking about moving her up to the next class level. She is repeating words and learning English quickly. In addition, the last sessions, she was separated from me for most the entire class sessions without issue! If she continues that in her next session, she will be moved up.  

Bela had her first Easter this year which consisted of 3 Easter Egg hunts! She is a pro at finding eggs now and low and behold, she loves eating the hard boiled eggs she painted as well! She also has had Christmas in April - our neighbors have overwhelmed us with attention, love and goodies. They all have kids older than Bela and all of them love to spend time with "Baby Bela" - giving her rides in their mini-Escalades and battery-operated cars. Every Friday we get together so the kids can play in the neighborhood and everyone just chips to make sure Baby Bela is being watched, having fun and is playing with the kids. It's truly heart-warming. Our neighbor Jill has also given us all her old educational toys, trains and even strollers for Bela. In addition, we were offered a slide set, furniture, etc... Seriously, the generosity has been amazing.

Bela saw her specialist today and she has grown almost and inch since she has been here and she isn't on her growth hormones yet! That is a great sign but what is even better is that the Dr. is convinced that Bela hasn't experienced any delay in her brain development due to her thyroid or growth hormone condition. Ryan and I have known how smart she is but it was nice to get an official opinion too. Bela is an amazing helper. Wherever she can participate and contribute, she wants to be involved! 

She is also becoming so much more affectionate - saying I love You and giving kisses all the time. She is smiling so much now and laughing to the point where she likes to play jokes and tease us to get a laugh out of us! Bela is really spending a lot of time with Ryan's family and she knows them by name and looks forward to seeing them. She also is spending time at my parent's house about once a week. It's nice to see her adjust and bond with other family members and feel safe and comfortable with them as well.  We got to go to Chuck-E-Cheese Twice in the last month - Bela had a blast there running around and riding the rides.

Finally, my friends Sima, Deena, Neena and Hina came down with their daughters to visit with Bela - it was fun seeing her interact with the other girls. It still takes her a while to get comfortable with new people but she is definitely better about playing with kids than she used to be.

Inspired!

So I haven't blogged in almost a month and after a 10 minute conversation with a journalist, author and literally expert in our Guajarati culture, I was inspired to write this blog. I think I have had writers block and couldn't figure out why (now I know why they call it a block) and realized what is was after speaking with Mr. Anand Rao. Anand Uncle is coming this Saturday and as we are finalizing the logistics - he told me why he was interested in writing a story about us and Bela. He said that our culture is not very open to adoption and quite frankly looks down upon that. While this was no surprise to me, what inspired me was his encouragement to write my blog with language and sharpness that awakens my family. I realized that my block was coming from the fact that I have noticed a real distinct difference with my family in how they treat Bela vs. other children in our family. Mostly I am speaking of my extended family. However, I know my parents are also in the process of adjusting to this - you can just tell by their body language. My Dad has been amazing and is naturally a very loving person but I know my Mom, who speaks so highly of Bela, is still adjusting. Much like when I married Ryan, it's a process that I know needs to happen and just have to be patient about. However, what upsets me the most is my extended family - they have made little effort or regard to come see and visit with Bela. I have to take to places where they can visit with her - yet when babies are born in my family, it's a must that we go and visit with them. Why is that? Could it be that even my generation of cousins looks down upon adoption? After all, all of my friends - even friends I haven't spoken with in a year, have made an effort to come see Bela and spend time with her. Some of them come by weekly to visit with her . Yet my family - my uncles, aunts, cousins, don't find it necessary to do so. The exception was my cousin Shetal who made it a point to visit Bela during her trip from Texas and my cousins Sagar and Shareena who met us at the airport when we arrived from India with big welcome signs and balloons. Seriously! So now the writer's block is over. As uncle mentioned, the sharpness in writing is similar to a surgeon performing surgery - if she didn’t have a sharp knife, she couldn't do her job. Just as this blog is hopefully a small step in awaking those who happen to live in ideology and false pretenses - I hope this blog reminds us that in the end, it's all about love and opening your heart. Not about what you have to show on this planet, not about the money you make or don’t make, but about the genuine love you show children and the contribution of love they feel compelled to give this world as a result. Our future is our children and if more people loved the unwanted children, how different could this world be? I am reminded of Sandra Bullock at the Academy Award for her role in Blind Side when she said, “Here’s to all the moms who love the children, no matter where they came from!”   It's time to stop with old beliefs and recognize that love had no boundries or DNA profile.

Christmas in March, Dentists & "Mommy Bubbles Up!"

Today marks the 2nd month anniversary of the day we picked up Bela from the BSSK orphanage in India. It's hard to believe she has only been with us for 2 months. She fits in so well and she is such a huge part of our life that it feels like we have had her for years! Everyday continues to be filled with new words, new experiences and new learning's for both Bela and us!

This month, we celebrated Christmas in March with Ryan's family. It's really hard for his extended family to coordinate getting together around the holiday's so we decided to get together this month at Philipes French Dip restaurant in LA.  Bela is still pretty shy around new people but we think that is more of a 2 year old thing than an adoption thing. She needs about a good 30 minutes to warm up to people she has seen before and total strangers are usually hit or miss in terms of her being open with them. The Christmas get together was a little hard because she was just adored with attention and that probably overwhelmed her a bit - although we all had a good time. 

Bela seems to have really started attaching to her grandparents - both my parents and Ryan's parents. She knows to call my dad "dada" and my mom "dadi" and she often asks about dada when we are at hope. She likes to pray with dad when we go over and visit with him. She also really gets happy when she sees Ryan's parents - especially Ryan's dad who likes to tickle Bela (which she loves).

Bela also had her first dentist appointment this week. While the appointment only lasted 5 minutes to do a quick checkup, she squirmed and fussed the entire time. She saw the office workers in uniform and automatically thought she was at the Dr's office because she started to whine and squirm at the sight of them. Needless to say, Bela likes to brush her teeth but the dentist now suggests we floss her teeth as well!

Bubbles seem to be a big area of fun for Bela. We played with bubbles today quite a bit - to the point of exhausting her. Ryan's parents came over with their friends and she was running all over trying to catch and pop all the bubbles. Her favorite thing to say was, "Mommy, Bubbles Up!!"  She literally could spend hours and hours chasing after bubbles. My cousin got her an automatic bubble blower shaped liked a octopus which relieves mom from having to blow the bubbles herself. While Bela is learning to blow bubbles as well, she hasn't quite gotten the hang of it consistently which means - little bubble octopus is on double duty (thank goodness I stocked up on double-A batteries)!!

Ryan and I got a book to try to train Bela into taking naps again. She absolutely will not nap so we're hoping to get some tips as she is just plain exhausted and fussy by the time 6pm rolls around. It takes a toll on me especially as I would love to have some alone time while she naps if possible. We're starting to look into nanny's as well but we'll probably make a decision in a few weeks about that. Next week I start the mommy and me class at the state regional center to help Bela with her speech and language. Those will be 2 hours classes twice a week so if she gets use to those classes without me, that will give us a good indication of whether she is ready to be with a nanny yet.

Finally, Ryan and I got to go on our first date night since we brought Bela home 2 months ago! Ryan's parents baby sat for us and while we were only gone for about 2.5 hrs, it was a much needed break! We celebrated my birthday the night before with my family and friends and then Ryan and I went out alone together. It's so easy to forget just how much alone time can mean until you don't have it anymore!

But Bela is progressing really well and she is picking up new English words every day! We were looking at the video we took of the day we picked her up and it's amazing to see just how much she has changed! Her hair is longer, her cheeks are fuller and she is certainly smiling more often!

"Down Kitty!"

Hello Family and Friends! I realize this blog post is well overdue, but I have lots of great updates since our last post. For starters, Bela and I got to attend our first Indian event where we both dressed up in our Indian clothes. Bela - the girly girl, really loved her Indian outfit and especially loved accessorizing! Our neighbor (Susan Keller Photography) came over to take some professional shots as well to help us capture the special moment. The pictures on the blog are by Ryan but we hope to have the professional shots picked out soon. The Indian event was for my sister's baby shower. Bela is still getting used to new places and people but it's interesting to see how long it takes her to get comfortable in a new setting. When I got to the event, my aunts and cousins were there (people she hasn't seen before) and she was definitely clingy. She wanted to go outside and didn't venture out too far away from me. I thinks he was overwhelmed a bit by all the attention she was getting. But toward the end she did get more comfortable and even allowed the priest to give her a blessing and a "chai" on her forehead. I also discovered that she really still loves Indian food so I am now trying to make it a point that she gets Indian food at least a few times a week (thank goodness my mom is back from India and she lives close by)!

We also took our first family vacation to Scottsdale, AZ last weekend!! We were invited to a friend's weekend birthday bash and we didn't want to miss it. So we packed up and did our best to show Bela a great time while Ryan and I traded off to attend the various weekend birthday events. BTW - gone are the days where Ryan and I could travel for a week with just one carry-on bag each. We found out that our bags literally multiplied with a child! We had 4 check-in bags and 3 carry-ons!!! But Bela got to go swimming for the very first time in Scottsdale! She absolutely loved, loved, loved, the pool!! Once the weather gets warmer here, we will certainly be taking her to my parents pool. While in Scottsdale, Bela got to meet alot of my friends and Ryan's mom's cousins (Marce and Jack) drove down to our hotel from Prescott to see her as well. She really loved the Fashionista Barbie that they got her - she is really into accessories (purses, jewelry and all). She played really, really well while they were visiting and even reached out to Marce to play with her as well. This was all without Ryan which was great. She does like to be free and runs around quite a bit but she really seemed to open up with them the longer they stayed. It was great to see her starting to get more comfortable.

BTW - I have now learned that I need some basic essentials in my purse at all times while traveling: lolipops, vanilla wafers, wet wipes, a spare diaper, some crayons/pen and paper. The loli came in handy on the flight as Bela sat very patiently in her own seat sucking on the lolipop while she was watching her video during the flight. The crayons were great to pull out at times where she would get bored when we were visiting with friends. The diaper is for my own convenience. The wet wipes are a must!!!

Then the next day my friend, Sue came by for breakfast and brought her a doll with its own stroller. WOW, that kept her busy for hours while the adults were all having breakfast. She was literally in a house full of people and just had a grand old time playing and enjoying herself. She in fact totally opened up to Sue and was playing with her for hours - she had never seen Sue before so that was totally amazing!! She even let our friend Fred hold her - again a total first as she had never met Fred before. The secret to Bela's heart is clearly babies and Barbies! She really LOVED Sue and the gift she got and still goes out daily pushing baby in the stroller!

In terms of eating, sleeping and develomental progress - lots has happened there too. For starters, Bela is now up to almost 2 eggs in the morning. She is eating really well and we've started to add a lot of high caloried (but nutritious) foods to her diet to help her gain some weight. Bela's doctors have indicated she has had a failure to thrive given her low weight but pediasure, cheese and lots of other great calorie foods should help that. I learned that a good friend of ours has a son (who is now 13) and he was diagnosed with a failure to thrive at birth too - and now he is healthy and active and you would never know he wasn't gaining a lot of weight as a newborn. She gave us some great tips on high calorie foods she used to feed him which has helped as well. But it was very reassuring to see her son and imagine Bela at 13. Bela was also sleeping through the nights entirely for the last few weeks and even slept through the night in her own bed in Scottsdale. But that hasn't been the case the last 3 nights or so. We think she was a bit traumatized by my mom's friend who she recently saw. My mom's friend is from Pune, India - the same town we picked Bela up from. So she started speaking Bela's local language to her and she was even dressed in traditional Indian clothes, resembling the caregivers at the orphanage. Bela totally freaked out around her and since then she has had nightmares and has been waking up 2-4 times a night. So either Ryan or I will make it a point to sleep with her until she gets back to her old sleeping pattern again. It's amazing though - that even though she will likely have no memory of this experience when she gets older, every experience is shaping her well-being and development and programming that little brain of hers. Children are total sponges!  Bela's langugage is also developing - she is now putting 2 and 3 words together and learning how to count thanks to her cousins who have been teaching her new words and numbers. Bela now says, "Mommy, i'm no hungry", "Kitty down", "mommy outside" and of course she says "I luw you" a lot! She even likes to give flying and personal kisses to people she knows. Bela has her final evaluation from the regional center to approve her language group therapy (3 times a week) and her occupational therpay (once a week).  She still doesn't like playing with new kids but has started to open up to my nephew and her cousins Alyssa and Brianna who come over once a week (one at a time) to play with her. I am also trying to set more play dates with her as well. She doesn't mind the kids as long as they don't come up to her and touch her - which we think must be an orphanage thing where kids would probably hit her or try to grab her toys since there were so many kids that she interacted with. So it's probably a territorial thing where she like her independence and is a new thing she is taking advantage of.  This week the focus is on potty training - I bought a new book of stickers to finally get her trained once and for all - mommy and daddy are really over the poopy diapers - wish us luck! :)

Guilty Feelings

So after my last post, I went downstairs to spend time with Bela and to feed her dinner. As Ryan was putting her to sleep, I started to think about just how guilty I felt having to discipline Bela yesterday. I felt the need to blog about it! Correcting Bela after she spit in Ryan's shoes was probably one of the hardest things I have done since we brought her home. I felt sick to my stomach and just so guilty that I had to do it. However, both Ryan and my friend reassured me that it needed to be done and that we did it in a manner that was calm and matter of fact. But I was NOT expecting such tremendous feelings of guilt and anxiety over the situation. I think what really helped me was thinking about my first experience having to discipline my employees - while it sounds bizarre that I would compare an employee to Bela, it's the last time I had this feeling of nausea around a discipline situation. I felt so bad afterwards that I didn't sleep for weeks and then many years later, the same employee thanked me for having the guts to tell him he needed to improve and giving him the ability to do so. This same employee passed away while I was in India and his mom contacted me to let me know - it has been almost a decade since I managed him. That's the only thing I can relate to that helps me keep focused on knowing that correcting Bela is not only needed, but someday, whether she realizes it or not, it will help her. Sounds like a really obvious conclusion to make and my mom always told me she corrected me for my own good, but last night was the first time I really understood what that meant.

"Mommie...Owwie??"

This was a busy week! Blood tests, evalatuions, social worker vists and it's only Thursday! We have another Dr's appointment tomorrow to round out the week of experts.  We had to subject Bela to more blood tests which Ryan took her too. She did very well considering the trauma! First, the blood takers at the lab stuck her twice and managed NOT to get any blood AND they left an incredible bruise on one arm, causing Bela to say..."Mommie, Owwiee?"  She was a great sport when she got back and she showed me both sets of bandages on both arms from the owwies that she got from being stuck!  But after that experience, she and I played with some of my purses and hats and Bela had a great time - she loved my cowboy hat and even discovered how to say Chheeezzzeee for the first time!  She is definintely a girly girl and that's so much for me me! We pick out the clothes she wants to wear most mornings and she especially likes to choose which shoes to wear.

I have had a ton of fun playing pretend with Bela this week. She has really started to latch onto her baby dolls and stuffed animals. So when I was brushing her hair, she wanted me to brush baby's hair. This morning for breakfast, she wanted one of her dolls to also wear a bib and pretend to have yogurt and eggs like she did. Yesterday, we had one of Bela's cousins over, Brianna. Bela and I picked her up from the school next door and she played with Brianna for about 2 hours without fussing very much at all. She even learned Brianna's name and pronounces it, "Bunnuna". Brianna brought over books, an umbrella and jewelry for Bela to play with and she loved the umbrella and jewelry especially.

Finally, today we took Bela to Newport Speech and Language center for an occupational therapy and language evaluation. Good news is that she is doing amazingly well with her motor and fine motor skills. The occupational therapist commented on the fact that Bela's block stacking skills were the best she had seen in over 5 months! She is clearly behind in her language skills because she never learned English prior. So we will likely enroll her into a group program with other children so she can catch up. The speech specialist and case worker for Bela seem to think that she will catch up in no time. We were so impressed with the resources available to Bela. Just makes us so appreciative of the fact that we live in a place where she really has all the necessary support to catch her up, both physically and from a speech/language perspective. We even got some great tips on how to speed up her language skills at home from the specialists.

We had to start correcting Bela this week now that we feel very comfortable that she has connected with us. Last night when a friend came over, Bela spit some chips into Ryan's shoes. So I created a place in our kitchen where I set a stool in a corder and gave her "time-in" (vs. a "time-out"). That was a suggestion from one of the adoption books I have been reading. The time-in requires that I stay with her and explain to her what she did wrong and then give her the option to make a better choice - in this case the choice was not to spit in dad's shoes. It's important that I don't isolate her or make the time-in too lengthy as the attachment process is fragile. She really didn't like the process but she seemed to understand the explanation of what she did wrong - at least we hope she did...time will tell. Bela is not going down for naps much these days either but she is sleeping around 6:30-7pm at night for about 12-13 hours. She is still waking up to see me or Ryan and then she is asleep again - that happens 1-3 times per night and the great news is that we don't have to sleep with her - we can choose when we want to or not. Sometimes Ryan or I just want to sleep with her because we don't want her to be alone - kind of overprotective but we're trying to make sure we don't create a habit of it if we don't have to from an attachment perspective (and so far we haven't had to).

Finally, we had our first social worker visit and he was very impressed with the progress she has made. She was very active when he came by, even talking and playing with her toys while we were talking to him about her progress. He indicated that his experience with our agency is that he rarely ever gets frantic calls from parents who adopt from Holt - so he was glad to hear that we didn't have a need for one of those calls so far either. He will be by 3 more times per California requirements and. Again, it's so nice to know how many resources we have available to us and to Bela. It's something that definitely gives us a sense of relief and ease knowing we're not in this alone and any issues we run into, there is a whole team of people who are truly interested in helping us resolve them!

No Fear!

I took Bela to my sister's baby shower and she did very very well considering all the attention people were paying to her. The next day, we took her to a birthday party at a place called Bounce U - she absolutely loved that place!!! She could run around and be free and not be "bothered" by other kids trying to play with her. Best of all, she got to slide down a 15ft inflatable slide all by herself. She looked so small going down it but daddy thought she was ready for it - and she had a blast! She couldn't get enough of the jumping, bouncing and sliding! She was probably one of the most active kids there - which wore me and Ryan down. But we had an absolute blast. She also discovered pizza for the first time at the party - which she really loved.

While she definitely doesn't like strangers and kids touching her, she is getting very comfortable around family she has seen before. Her association skills are amazing so the fact that she recognizes them is great. She let grandma hold her up today so she could look in the mirror at herself.  We are so impressed at how quickly she can imitate and pick up new things. She even wanted to feed her cousin Ayden grapes after playing with him at Bounce U. She is very nurturing toward babies and young kids it seems and likes to feed people.  I think that is her way of trying to bond with them and she doesn't do it to everyone, just people she has seen before it seems.

This week is jam-packed with more tests and evaluations. First we get to have more blood tests for her thyroid. Then the social worker visits for the first time since Bela has been home. This is routine and we will have many more to come (one visit every 3 months). According to the Hauge treaty, India also requires other CARA reports for the next 5 years which I get to fill out. Oh joy - the paperwork never stops it seems. But it has all been so worth it - the feeling of Bela laughing, playing and talking and screaming out loud is awesome.

Her potty training is getting a bit better. Although the doctor suggested we put her on the Giardia meds because her diarrhea came back. She is taking the meds really really well so that's not an issue. She is even starting to tell us (on occasion) when she needs to go potty. She is now even telling us at night when she wants to go to sleep!!!

Good news is I finally got a case number assigned from the OC Family Court last Friday - what a pain. Our agency was convinced of one process while the Family Court was convinced of a different process entirely. But I went prepared for both my 2nd trip there and was able to file the papers successfully! Now we wait for a court hearing and hopefully in about 6 months, Bela's adoption will be finalized.